the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
