either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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