You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
