the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
