Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
