I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize