Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
