I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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