he thought i was a dude.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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