I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
