you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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