You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
