Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
