she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
