I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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