I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
