I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you would pick up someone in the library
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
