If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
