Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize