You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
