Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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