She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
