In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
