Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
