and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
