So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
