at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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