my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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