brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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