Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
