i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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