He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so let's talk penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
