I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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