Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
