Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
