Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
