i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just pee around me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
