He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
