So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
