I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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