today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
