I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize