How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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