Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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