So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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