Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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