Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You just made me feel so damn special
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
