then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
