She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
