One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
