so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
