You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
