i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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