We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
