i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize