I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i came on her dog
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
