I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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