She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
