Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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