Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
