I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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