Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
