I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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