Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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