yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
