Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
