Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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