Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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