There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
