You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
