He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
