Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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