It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
