i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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