I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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