She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
