If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
