what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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