did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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