why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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