ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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